By: Kacie Starr Long
I flicked my sunglasses down from the top of my head until they rested comfortably against the bridge of my nose.
I silently marched across the hot, asphalt, hospital parking lot, as best I could with my rubber thong sandals.
Ugh, I had worn the wrong shoes!
Another thing to be upset about as I tried to find my foreign car in a sea of Fords, Hondas, and Chevys.
I finally located my car and as I got inside, and started the engine, I blurted out loud:
"God, I am pissed off!"
There, I said it.
I settled in the driver's seat, and I said it again, this time with more emphasis:
"God, I'm pissed off. I'm angry. This wasn't supposed to turn out like this."
Have you ever been in a situation where you are ticked off at God?
Handling Disappointments God's Way
Have you ever been frustrated, or upset, even angry when God didn't respond to a situation as you felt He should have?
This was me. I was having a moment that day, inside that hot, hospital parking lot, and I blabbing to God about how I felt.
I was angry because my husband had surgery to remove a cancerous tumor in his neck, and four days later post-surgery, the doctor had told us more cancer still remained in his body and that further treatment would be needed.
We were shocked at this news.
And I was angry.
I was angry because my husband and I, along with many other prayer warriors had fasted and prayed prior to his surgery.
We stood on God's scriptures of faith and healing.
We made declarations of "cancer no more" and "God's work would be complete."
Now, the idea of another surgery, weeks of chemo, or daily radiotherapy just seemed too much to absorb.
So I exhaled.
Inside my hot car, with the windows rolled down, I exhaled.
I processed the moment, and told God how utterly disappointed I was and that I felt angry.
And you know what? I felt better. I felt better, because I was able to have a real moment with God, and as the heat of my anger began to subside, a voice I knew as the Holy Spirit, began to bring forth a cool, and wise rationalization.
It went something like this:
You know...you could be ticked off at God...but honestly Kacie, what will that accomplish?
I pondered the question a bit, and I knew that the Holy Spirit was absolutely right.
I had the "freedom" or free-will to be ticked off, upset, or angry with God, but honestly what would that accomplish in my life?
Would it make me feel better? Maybe temporarily.
Would it bringing healing to my husband? No
Would my anger glorify God or serve as a witness for others? No
Would my anger and defiance at God encourage my husband or provide an emotional safe space of peace for him? Absolutely not.
Also, I knew that I had been through too much with God to remain angry or ticked off at Him. He and I had been through too many storms and trials together, where I had come out on top for me to abandon Him. In other words, I knew God's track record and history!
God has been good to me.
He has kept me.
He has never abandoned me, and even though I was sitting in a hot car, fuming from the doctor's report, I knew God is the Great Physician and He always has the final say.
I began to drive toward the hospital main entrance to pick up my husband, and as I drove around onto hospital circular driveway, I began to rehearse God's word:
"God you are good, and Your mercies endure forever." (Psalm 100:5)
"The Lord will never leave or forsake me." (Hebrews 13:5)
"Nothing can separate me from the love of God, no depth, nor height, no angels or demons..." (Romans 8:38-39)
Satan would love for our hearts to harden toward God when trials come.
He would love for us to fold our hands across our chests and morph into defiant and angry toddlers when things or situations don't turn out how we want them.
Tests Produce Character
But I'm learning, that it's time to mature. It's time to woman up, and whether I like it or not --- tests grow our faith.
God didn't bring cancer upon my husband.
God heard our prayers about cancer and He continues to hear our prayers for my husband's healing. God is sovereign, and that means He is in control, and I trust His sovereignty. I serve God, and I trust Him. I make my requests known, but ultimately He is in charge. I serve Him. He is my God, and it's not the other way around.
If you find yourself ticked off at God, my prayer is that you will see God as a loving Father.
Hebrews 4:15 tells us, we have a Savior who experienced every emotion, and temptation while on earth. We also serve a Savior, Jesus Christ, who understands what it is like to be disappointed at God, and yes, even ticked off.
We have a God that invites us to come to His throne of grace to receive everything we need. Hebrews 4:16, invites us to this sacred space to receive grace and mercy.
When we feel upset, we can cry out to God. We can be real with Him, and we can receive healing, mercy and experience God's truth -- this truth is true even in the midst of disappointment or grief. God is with us, and will never forsake us.
This article was first published in the Christian women's devotional, Jewel Warrior. If you would like to become a writer for Jewel Warrior, or would like to receive daily inspirations from Christian writers, visit here.
Hi, my name is Kacie Starr Long. I am an author, and speaker and I love to use my voice to point people to Jesus. When I'm not writing, I'm either working out at Orange Theory Fitness or sewing. I'm in recovery from compulsive overeating and I have a sewing ministry, called the Sew Hope Community Sewing Room. I am the proud wife of Alfred T. Long, Sr and together we lead a non-profit that serves prisoners and their families. Connect with me at www.InspiredOverflow.com and via my YouTube page for Christian teachings and encouragement.